A Bit About You
You’re doing brilliant! You still don’t know the difference between night and day…but you’re really awake at about 10pm and love to have a little chat with me and your dad. You have the biggest, most gorgeous eyes that just look up at me and stare. Although I do love this, you also do it at 3am after your feed and wont settle in the moses basket. You actually came in our bed last night/this morning at 5am…you weren’t hungry, you just wanted a cuddle and I was too tired to sit with you and try and get you to settle. I’m scared that you will wake up Sadie as well and she’s already waking up earlier and earlier at the moment.
For some reason as well, you aren’t latching well at the 3/4am feed. You latch perfectly in the day but at night you wont latch onto my bare nipple or the shields. Last night I had to hand you to your very asleep dad because I was getting so irritated by you and just cried for 5 minutes because I was so tired. You had been up since 1am cluster feeding at this was at 3:30am. I just don’t get what changes for you in the early hours because there is no fuss in the day time.
A Bit About Me
Seriously starting to think about quitting breastfeeding. I’m really not enjoying it and just stressing and worrying about every aspect. Every time you wake up my anxiety peaks and I just don’t want to feed you! BUT I’m so scared that I’ll regret quitting afterwards and I wont be able to get my milk back. Completely 50/50 about what to do. At the moment I’m just trying to get through the weekend. Maybe seeing Kat will make me feel better about it; she’s successfully breastfed 6 kids so she should be able to help me.
We went to Nanny’s for dinner today and she, along with Kat, actually made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. We decided we might do a bit of combo-feeding to take some pressure off me. We went to give you a bottle of formula twice but I changed my mind at the last minute and put you on the boob; for some reason I’m thinking that one bottle will mean the end of boobing. Once your dad talked to me about it, I realised that it’s not the same situation as Sadie and 1 70ml bottle wont mean I cant keep up with your demand. We gave you your first bottle this morning and you took it very well. We used the ready made bottles with the screw on teats and you really didn’t like the teat. So we’ve moved onto the MAM bottles that the feeding team at the hospital recommended. Luckily we had some from the baby show in stock! You slept for 4 hours afterwards though so we may start doing this at night instead! Maybe we’ll combi-feed for a little bit…see how it goes.
What We Have Been Up To
The breastfeeding support team came today and made me feel like utter crap. They basically told me that everything I had done for the past 2 weeks was wrong. Hospital were idiotic for telling me I needed top-ups, why was I expressing this early, why was I using nipple shields and creating a barrier between me and my baby. The way the woman was talking she basically wanted me to walk around with my top off inside or outside the house and wake you up to feed every 2 hours. When I was supposed to sleep or look after Sadie I have no idea! Nanny wasn’t very happy with them and neither were the midwives. She basically made me feel that giving you formula was practically like pouring poison down your throat so I had such a hang up about trying it. Combi-feeding seems to be working well for us though.
Bonus of it is that I actually ventured out the house for a few hours the other day. I went the cinema with your Aunties and it was lovely. I missed you and came back home to feed you and we had a snuggle.
We went to breakfast with L & K on Tuesday for Pancakes; i’m getting good at feeding in public. I don’t care about what people think or offending anyone. It’s just such a faff trying to be discreet when you have to put nipple shields on and trying to get you latched without knocking them off.
We went to Daddy’s work on Thursday and everyone thinks that you are very cute. We got some cute outfits as gifts for you. Your wardrobe is filling up nicely!